A sermon in John 15 by Fr. Scott Homer
Happy Valentines Day! It was originally a pagan holiday which was later renamed for Christian martyrs named Valentine. Traditionally it has been a day on which lovers exchanged handwritten notes avowing their undying love for one another. In the nineteenth century a few industrious folks started printing and selling Valentine's Day cards and today there are more cards sent for Valentines Day than any day other than Christmas. The estimate is that over one billion cards are sent worldwide.
Valentine's day is devoted to love and so tonight want to take a look at love—what our culture has told us about it—what God has told us about it—how we can know we are receiving it and how we can know that we are giving it. When Scott Jessel sent out the musical agenda for tonight I had not decided on what I was going to say and so he just jokingly put on the plan "Love American Style." and so that provides us with a place to start.
When I think about "Love American Style" here are some images that come to mind: I get images of men on one knee holding a bouquet in one hand and a ring in the other and a starry eyed girl saying, "Yes, yes, of course I will marry you! I love you desperately!" I get images of Cupid striking someone with his magic arrow and them falling head over heals in love with whoever happens to be in front of them at the moment; images of passion on the beach as the surf engulfs the couple in their embrace; or of a sultry dance in a crowded ballroom, two people consumed with passion for one another and oblivious to everyone else in the room; images of beautiful people desperately pursuing each other and finding perfect joy and perfect fulfillment in their embrace.
We have all grown up with these images; Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed; Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers; Ali McGraw and Ryan O'Neil; Tom Cruise and Kelli McGinnis; Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan; Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie—Hollywood has been selling this model of love for at least three or four generations now. And I do not want you to walk out of here tonight thinking that I am opposed to romantic love. I have been smitten by it myself. But there is a downside to the "Romantic Love" thing. Not because there is something wrong with romantic love in itself but because romantic love is incomplete love at least as our culture understands it; because at the root of romantic love is the false idea that if we could only be with our beloved we would be complete, completely fulfilled. Romantic love acknowledges the empty place that exists in each of our hearts. It recognizes that we are incomplete in ourselves but it makes the mistake of thinking that the hole can be filled by another human being. It can't.
There is another love that is more complete. It will sustain us forever. It is a bigger love, a more all consuming love, a love that can fill the hole in our hearts not just for a little while but forever. There is another love—a love that transcends romantic love.
God loves us with a perfect love. The famous passage in John 3.16 says, "God loved the world so much that He gave his only begotten Son so that everyone who believes in him will not die but will have life everlasting." We may get glimpses of love in romance but we can never find a perfect expression of love anywhere other than on the cross of Christ. It is in Christ's passion—his death and his resurrection—that we see God's perfect love for us. God's love is sacrificial love. God's love is forgiving and merciful love. God's love is wholly devoted to doing what is best for the beloved. No price is too great. We can only see perfect love in God. Human beings simply can not imitate it. But we can "Abide" in God's presence and we can learn from his example and when we abide with God we can actually act in truly loving ways, sometimes.
I met Jim and Mary Lou Beers about eight or nine years ago. They were speakers at a retreat I was attending in Parma, Ohio. Jim and Mary Lou were the speakers there. They had been married some forty years. And they had struggled for much of their married life. There was always financial hardship. Jim was not a good provider. Mary Lou worked hard to care for all her husband's wants and needs and sometimes she felt overworked and underpaid. At one point in their marriage lawyers and social workers had recommended to her that she divorce Jim for her and the four children's sake but when she prayed about it God never blessed the idea. And so she struggled on. Now it is not what you think. Jim didn't have a drinking problem. He wasn't lazy. Jim was a quadriplegic—paralyzed from the neck down. He could not even speak. He had been a good worker—a salesman—but one morning he left for work complaining of a headache and a half an hour later he was being rushed to a hospital with a massive stroke. He was twenty-nine years old and Mary Lou was six months pregnant with their fourth child. So, for the next thirty-six years Mary Lou and Jim suffered hardship. Mary Lou cared for Jim and the four children alone with virtually no money. You see, because she was married she was ineligible for public assistance. But somehow, through an amazing series of miracles and the aid of caring Christian friends Jim and Mary Lou lived a blessed life, a life full of joy, and a life they knew to be filled with love. Jim died about two years ago. His was a heroic life. And Mary Lou grieves his death in the same way and with the same intensity that she might have had he been a star athlete or a bank president.
Mary Lou and Jim truly loved one another. And they were able to sustain that love because they were both deply in love with Jesus. And this is a different kind of love—it is a love that is not so much about what we feel towards somebody who is beautiful and perfect, who knows how to light our fire, who brings us joy through the ways they meet our needs. This love is devoted to someone when they are not very attractive, when the passion is a distant memory, when our needs are not being met.
Earlier we listened to Jesus talking to his disciples about love. (John Chapter 15) And if we are listening to his words and we are trying to apply them to our lives then we are his disciples too and he is speaking to us. First Jesus talks about our relationship to Him and to God the Father and He makes it clear that our success in this life depends upon that relationship. He says, "Abide in me." So it is living in relationship with Jesus that we know relationship with God the Father and when we are in relationship with the Father and the Son, when we abiding in them, we are able to bear fruit. We are able to really love one another, and to show the world that true love is a reality for those who abide with God. And he says something in the midst of his words that is really quite surprising. He says, "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you." And then he defines what He means by love. He says, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." The most perfect model of love is someone willingly sacrificing their own life to save the life of someone else. This is our touchstone. This is the principle upon which we can measure our love for others. Are we losing our own life for their benefit?
Someone truly loves you not when they insist that you become something other than who you are. (Why can't you be more like your sister?) It is not true love when you must first do something that brings them joy. (I would really love you if you would do what I ask). It is not true love when we are loved for the way we look or the way we dress or the way we walk. Love is not a bargaining chip we use to get what we want from someone else. If we are withholding our love until we get something—it is not love it is self-centeredness. True love is sacrificing for someone else's welfare, in order that someone else gets what they want and need. Husbands and wives—boyfriends and girlfriends—neighbors and friends: Do you love one another? You do if you are giving up your rights. You do if you are finding ways to serve them. You do if you are shaping your life's goals around requiring less of them and offering more of yourself, striving to put them first and yourself last.
This is the love, in its perfect form, that God has for us. Can you imagine the Creator of all that ever was and all that will ever be, the Master of the entire universe, all knowing, all powerful God sacrificing himself for a human being? It is absurd. When has a President of the United States ever given up his dinner to feed a homeless person? When has a king ever cut a construction worker's grass? And yet, that is the good news—that God Almighty has come down from heaven and sacrificed himself to save you.
My dad has just embarked on an act of love for his great grandchildren. He has set up investment accounts for both of them. The plan is that instead of buying a bunch of toys they will break or that will be lost amongst all the other toys and instead of sending them to Chuckie Cheese for another party Great Grandpa will deposit a sum of money into their investment account and with compound interest the kids should see a pretty substantial sum of money in that account when they get to be adults. Now the kids may very well misunderstand. When they don't get the toy they had hoped for, or when Grandpa won't give them twenty bucks to throw into vending machines they may make the mistake of believing that Grandpa doesn't really love them or care about them. But he does care. He cares so much, in fact, that he is devoted to making sure that their long term future is guaranteed. He recognizes that the momentary pleasure derived from the cheap toy or the momentary thrill will not be of much lasting value but later on, when something really important comes along the kids will have the means to enjoy it.
I think this is also what our Father's love is about. He is not so concerned about how prosperous we are. He doesn't see much lasting value in satisfying our passions and our desires right here and right now. He recognizes that we are looking at a very bleak future if we continue to insist on life on our terms. And so God has given us a greater gift. He has sent his Son to open the way to eternal life and he is designing our days to help lead us into a strong relationship with his Son Jesus. Sometimes that means denying us something here and now. Sometimes that means actually preventing from getting what we want right now. But God has promised that at the end of the day we will receive a greater gift than we can even imagine.
Valentines Day is about love and love is a lot more than a fiery attraction to another human being. St Augustine said that "love is desiring the best for another human being." And that is what God does. He desires the best and is seeking out the best for each one of us. We can trust him. We can rest in his promises. And we can spend the rest of our lives knowing that "getting what we need" is not about us grabbing it or wrestling it away from someone else or manipulating to get it. God has prepared it for you. He is giving it to you and all we need to do is to abide in Jesus. And since we do not need to care for our own needs we are free to care for the needs of those around us. We are free to truly love them, to do what is best for them, and to sacrifice to help them.
Happy Valentines Day. I hope you will have a blessed time with your beloved for the remainder of the day. I hope that together you will rest in God's love for you and celebrate in the blessings that He is showering upon you and will teach other to trust in the promises He has made to you. In Jesus' name. Amen
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